Today I want to die. I mean I want to put a full stop to my miserable life, a life that treated me in a way lesser than an animal. Am tired of it all. Luck or no luck everyone wishes me good luck.
My friends don’t miss me and no one ever remembers to call me even if it were just a flash. My families too don’t even remember I was in this life, only when they needed my help. I just have to die. I have to leave the world so I won’t be burden on any one when I get older.
My co-workers complain am the coldest person on earth. That I neither smile nor laugh but always wearing a cow face. What exactly have done wrong? I didn’t create myself! They said God decide our life before we were born but why do people keep blaming me for what is not my fault?
My children see me as the worst father. They don’t even stay beside me nor respect my words for a second. Same way my wife sees me. She complained am not romantic, and cheerful. That I’m too cold for a hubby. I have ask her to tell me exactly what to do to make me warm since I were a cold animal to them, but no one not even her helped me out.
When I was a kid my dad would always call me a loser, that he doubt he were my father. That same statement led to the argument that killed the only person that believed in me, my melancholic mother. She would cry so I could laugh, she would do all she could so I could be like every other children.
She was the first person to discover I was an autist. No one really understood I was suffering from autism until I was almost ten years of age. That was when I met my fairy god-mother, Auntie Mariam. She shaped me to a better me which to the world is still lesser than an animal.
She too died few years before I could finish my secondary education. To most people, the only good thing about me was my brain and my looks. I was both handsome and intelligent but none of it matters when it comes to people understanding my predicaments.
I love my wife very much and my children too but I can’t express it. No! They don’t understand how I am expressing it and that alone is killing me every seconds. Even though I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want to be alive as well. I just have to end everything and maybe we may meet to part no more. I guess by then I will be like everyone else.
Jamila came from a village where people believed you must get married to someone from your village. Her paent got her married to a man from her village called Abdullahi. She never liked Abdullahi from the onset but she promised to make her parents happy because they have invested so much in her; they gave her all the basic necessities of life which a daughter deserve to have from her parents. It was because of this that she surrendered and succumbed to their wishes. She was indeed docile and submissive but Abdullah, was a cassanova. He never lowers his gaze on any lady he sees, be it an ugly or pretty lady. He was jobless so he took his new bride to Jigawa where his brother lived.
They managed to get a two roo apartment for them. Jamila was a very intelligent lady. She is a nurse by profession so she was fortunate to secure a job at near by hospital. Moreover, she goes to their in-laws house everyday to wash their dishes, sleep the house and fills the bowls with water. in fact, she did most of the household chores just to win the heart of her in-laws. They loved her so much that they treated her just like their own child. Abdullahi couldn’t give his wife helping hand but rather always pressuring her to give him money from her earning. She never complained but gave him.
Ten months after their wedding she had a baby boy. The child was named after Abdullah’s grand dad. A year later, his sister was diagnosed of appendix and he asked his wife to help his sister in the hospital where she works.
The bill was expensive but Jamila talked to the accountant so that it can be reduced. Her sister in-law Aisha had a successful operation. Aisha was married but was attending a school at Jigawa, so she brought her three children to stay with their uncle’s wife. For Jamila it was an added responsibility because she was the bread winner. She brought the attention of her husband to the issue that she can not take care of his sister and her children. He ignored her. Aisha felt that she wasn’t welcome in the family. She immediately called her mum and told her Jamila was a bad woman and had never liked her. The mother in-law became angry with Jamila and hated her. What baffled Jamila was that Abdullahi always traveled without telling her. He comes back home late, while girls always call him on phone to book appointement with him. He had a ‘’Sugar Mummy’’ who prevented him from attending to his wife. The sugar mummy bought him a car. Some months later the sugar mummy too discovered that he was flirting around with many ladies. She became perturbed and took away her car from him.
Jamila was into thrift contribution with her colleagues at the hospital where she worked and she was able to save N250,000. When she collected her share, she gave the money to Abdullah to help her buy a plot of land. He took the money and was never seen again. Months passed and soon it was sallah period. While he was away jamila the school fees, house rent, electricity bill, health bills and many more for her children. Like became difficult for her and her salary was like a drop of water in an ocean that couldn’t ease her problems.
She was so broke financially that she stole the hospital the hospital kerosene. She also stole medicine and sold them to be to feed her children. She struggled to buy a sallah ram. She gave the ram to one mallam to help her slaughter on sallah day. A day to sallah abdullahi cmae back home while jamila was out. He asked his children if their mum had bought sallah ram. They showed him where the ram was kept. When she came back, she saw him and never said a word to him. The next day, he collected the ram from the mallam and slaughter it. However he bought a new phone for her from his travel. She was so angry with him and she threw the phone on the ground. Out of annoyance, Abdullah grabbed her and slapped. She slapped him back and a fight ensued. He beat her to stupor. Her children called her neighbor who took her to hospital. When she regain consciousness, she asked of her husband’s whereabouts but instead was given a divorce later from one of his friend. She couldn’t believe what she saw and busted into tears and regrets.
Narrated by Fatima Abubakar
Story by: Amina Abdullahi
culled from Tambari
After Mayo had been beaten, battered, dragged to his knees by the turbulence that dines and tarries with mankind. The gift in her was able to mend his kaput nexus with God and invariably led to the emergence of his true identity. The voice came to him expressly and pierced into his heart. It loosed him as his heart tilted. The tears of captivity was sluggishly shed and fountain of freedom installed at the center of his heart. The chains of murder was riven and relinquished to its murky background and began to shine like a star he was or rather he was.
We have been in this situation for so long I ought to have been changed, muttered Matrass
Mocachino who has vowed not to cease interceding for his sole to be renewed gawked at Matrass thoughtfully as tears rolled down his chicks uncontrollably. Matrass shook his head in dismay as none could console one another. Letters of frustration and disappointment printed in upper case at their faces seem glaring. Matrass became still instantly. Couldn’t fathom Matrass’s strange act until he sighted Mayo who tied towel round his waist.
Mayo raised Matrass up, picked his clothes he left there to straighten. Mocachino gazed at him, shook his head in amazement and muttered “come to our aid Lord for we look up to you”. The helpless and hopeless Mayo shook his legs inside his shoes as he headed out with his file seeking for a nest to shelter himself. Mocachino could feel agonizing weight exerted upon him after covering several kilometers in search of greener pastures to keep the body in conformity with the soul.
The ramshackle Mocachino gave up at the center of the road. His sole got disintegrated, fell apart and the centre couldn’t hold anymore. Mayo collapsed on the tarred road seeing a vehicle accelerating at high speed. Many witnessed the episode but Couldn’t intervene. The hopeless boy sighted Dorcas at his impoverished state,unusual strength came upon him and the wheel of fortune from her eyes drove him into the culvert. None could fathom how it happened.
He got up almost immediately and started pacing about searching for his file. “did anyone see my file? so much value was attached to the certificate- “ordinary paper” more than his life.Your file? Said a low beckoning voice that jilted him from the crowd, you survived this instead of you to thank God, you opted to shout your file? A file that has turned it back at you?. Hmmm! Take it, take your life. Mayo clothed with shame casted his head downwards with tears gushing out of his eyes like a water fall. He made his way back home. A footprint was planted in his heart by those words of Dorcas.
It took Mayo several hours to get to his apartment, walked sluggishly as though the ground forbade him from treading on it. The handwriting of frustration, rejection, disappointment, bitterness has transposed its font size on his face. ‘This is unbearable’, he muttered as he clouted the door with his leg and fele to the ground immediately . ‘Am tired of living, take my life God for you have been unfair to me, I have been humiliated, despised and rejected where others were accepted effortlessly. Why is my case different?’. He increased the tempo of his voice as he lamented continuously. A voice came to him expressly. He couldn’t detect whose voice it was but he knew that it must be a divine voice Just like Angel Gabriel speaking to Virgin Mary about the birth of Jesus. ‘you always put yourself before me as though you own your life. Treated me like an outcast, failed to acknowledge me. you make enemy with me and peace with men. You have changed my agenda for your life to that which suits your taste. That’s why you have not discovered that which is in you. you are loaded son indeed, you are a star. I ought to interrupt your plans but you shut the door of your heart at me. you put all your hope in your certificate and knocked me out of your life. He got frightened and lost in thought. He shouted out of amazement “am loaded? A star? “ but stars are meant to shine……
The voice vanished Being more worried, he opted to end it all. He picked a rope, tied it to the roof and the other end to his neck. Just as he was to sway himself to the air came another voice…. ‘Life may have torn you apart , waged war against you. you may have been drawn in the ocean of stagnation, bruised and cobwebbed in the negative circumstances of life, rejected and reduced to nothing, engulfed with Shame and reproach. I beseech you to look up to him who is mighty to save.
In him was life and the life was the light of men.
something stroke his heart as soon as he heard that of life, the rope was removed off his neck.
He rushed to the door shedding tears uncontrollably fell down at dorcas feet. He confessed, ‘you made me live once more’. Why would you take a life you can’t give? Says Dorcas, She led him to christ and his life transformed. He became a staunch follower of CHRIST. Many souls were won through him. YOU ARE REDEEMED FOR OTHERS TO BE REDEEMED.
It happened so fast that I myself didn’t know how it started
Slowly slowly she took my heart away and made me homesick
Each time she stares into my eyes she looked exactly like my mum
Her soft touch reminded me of that feeling when mum would cares my hair to sleep
Smile now! She would say
And it sounded exactly like mum
Her eyes like the moon has gotten a duplicate makes my soul to fly
It happens so fast that I do not know how it started
I feel like touching her hands even if its just once.
I just want to feel mum’s presence once
I want to feel her warmth through her. But what to do?
Slowly slowly she took my heart away and made me homesick.