MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

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If one were to ask me what happiness is and where and how one could obtain it, I will but only say it lies within that special depth in our heart. Most people would attribute their source of happiness to one object or persons. You can’t really blame them for doing such nor applaud them for it. It’s a long ancient norm that has prevented us from achieving life’s greatest goal, which is, true happiness.

Everyone need or want this or that!

 

Some people want love and because they can’t find that love every other thing in life is but nothing to them. Because of the lack of love, their heart created a wall against every other beautiful thing that life has to offer. Believe you me; it would be against nature for everyone to love and be loved. Am sorry to say that but it’s the bitter truth. When we lose love we should not live our life depending on something that would never last forever. Nothing was ever made to be so except the one who created and made everything to be as it is.

 

From the view of various people, believe me this doesn’t concern tribe, religion or race. It is a worldwide already broaden trait that is extremely contagious and permanently persistent, that one might believe it is an innate feeling.

 

Being happy is indispensable to human lives, but how do we safeguard it?

How do we cultivate it?

How do we deal with it?

 

It is a sorry thing that one’s happiness depends on material things or temporary human relations. Simply put if you cannot find any reason to be happy when you lack things, be rest assured that the happiness which such thing brings comes with an expiry date!

 

You might ask how, well as humans, our needs and wants for things grow every day, the more we get the more we want and when the time comes for our needs to be short in supply, we fall into depression and anxiety. We tell ourselves that without any of these possessions we are worthless and we degrade ourselves to the level of the unfortunates, and that exactly is where the problem lies.

 

In my world, I do not know about yours, I do not believe that anyone could fall into the ‘unfortunate’ category. Every stage of human life hardship or success is a part of the long extraordinary script of destiny, the truth which lies therein is that fight dirty or clean, the spot at which you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be. Our actions may tend to either hasten or slowdown fate, but whatever the plot of your life entails must come to pass eventually.

 

Someone talked about learning to let go of our inner demons, no, for me, I suggest you do not let go of them, embrace them and show them you know where your downfalls and mistakes lie, but you will not let it dictate to you about how to live, love and be happy.

 

Acknowledging ones faults are the greatest ways to experience joy, talk to closest friends, listen to people a lot, even in times of arguments, ensure to focus on the tone of their voice, and explain kindly that they have hurt you. If they apologize, accept the apology and move on, if you are at fault apologize quickly and do not repeat similar actions.

 

Life becomes hard when we focus and concentrate on the dark sides. Study the darkness and seek an antidote, if there isn’t anyone available, then chase the light and eventually, the light will embrace you.

Stay happy and positive always, for THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE HAVING IT WORSE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK. PRAY FOR YOURSELF AND PRAY FOR OTHERS TOO.

 



After Mayo had been beaten, battered, dragged to his knees by the turbulence that dines and tarries with mankind. The gift in her was able to mend his kaput nexus with God and invariably led to the emergence of his true identity. The voice came to him expressly and pierced into his heart. It loosed him as his heart tilted. The tears of captivity was sluggishly shed and fountain of freedom installed at the center of his heart. The chains of murder was riven and relinquished to its murky background and began to shine like a star he was or rather he was. 
Serenity…………….. 

We have been in this situation for so long I ought to have been changed,  muttered Matrass 

Mocachino who has vowed not to cease interceding  for his sole to be renewed gawked at Matrass thoughtfully as tears rolled down his chicks uncontrollably. Matrass shook his head in dismay as none  could console one another. Letters of frustration and disappointment printed in upper case at their faces seem glaring. Matrass became still instantly. Couldn’t fathom Matrass’s strange act until he sighted Mayo who tied towel round his waist. 
Mayo raised Matrass up, picked his clothes he left there to straighten. Mocachino gazed at him, shook his head in amazement and muttered “come to our aid Lord for we look up to you”. The helpless and hopeless Mayo shook his legs inside his  shoes as he headed out  with his file seeking for a nest to shelter himself. Mocachino could feel agonizing weight exerted upon him after  covering several kilometers in search of greener pastures to keep the body in conformity with the soul. 
The ramshackle Mocachino gave up at the center of the road. His sole got disintegrated, fell apart and the centre couldn’t hold anymore. Mayo collapsed on the tarred road seeing a vehicle accelerating at high speed. Many witnessed  the episode but Couldn’t intervene. The hopeless boy sighted  Dorcas at his impoverished state,unusual strength came  upon him and the wheel of  fortune from her eyes drove him into the culvert. None could fathom how it happened.
He got up almost immediately and started pacing about searching for his file. “did anyone see my file? so much value was attached to the certificate- “ordinary paper” more than  his life.Your file? Said a low beckoning voice that jilted him from the  crowd, you survived this instead of you to thank God, you opted to shout your file? A file  that has turned  it back  at you?. Hmmm! Take it, take your  life. Mayo clothed with shame casted  his  head downwards with tears gushing out of his eyes like a water fall. He made his way back home. A footprint was planted in his heart by those words of Dorcas. 
It took Mayo several hours to get to his apartment, walked sluggishly as though the ground forbade him from treading on it. The handwriting of frustration, rejection, disappointment, bitterness has transposed  its font size on his face. ‘This is unbearable’, he muttered as he clouted the door with his leg and fele to the ground immediately . ‘Am tired of living, take my life God for you have been unfair to me, I have been humiliated, despised and rejected where others were accepted effortlessly. Why is my case different?’. He increased the tempo of his voice as he lamented continuously. A voice came to him expressly. He couldn’t detect whose voice it was but he knew that it must be a divine voice Just like Angel Gabriel speaking to Virgin Mary about the birth of Jesus. ‘you always put yourself before me as though you own your life. Treated me like an outcast, failed to acknowledge me. you make enemy with me and peace with men. You have changed my agenda for your life to that which suits your taste. That’s why you have not discovered that which is in you. you are loaded son indeed, you are a star. I ought to interrupt your plans but you shut the door of your heart at me. you put all your hope in your certificate and knocked me out of your life. He got frightened and lost in thought. He shouted out of amazement “am loaded? A star? “ but stars are meant to shine…… 
The voice vanished Being more worried, he opted to end it all. He picked a rope, tied it to the roof and the other end to his neck. Just as he was to sway himself to the air came another voice…. ‘Life may have torn you apart , waged war against you. you may have been drawn in the ocean of stagnation, bruised and cobwebbed in the negative circumstances of life, rejected and reduced to nothing, engulfed with Shame and reproach. I beseech you to look up to him who is mighty to save.

In him was life and the life was the light of men. 

something stroke his heart as soon as he heard that of life, the rope was removed off his neck. 

He rushed to the door shedding tears uncontrollably fell down at dorcas feet. He confessed, ‘you made me live once more’. Why would you take a life you can’t give? Says Dorcas, She led him to christ and his life transformed. He became a staunch follower of CHRIST. Many souls were won through him. YOU ARE REDEEMED FOR OTHERS TO BE REDEEMED.



It loop itself out

Each time I close my eyes

From the fountain of memories

It came
Like a cloud 

It started forming

Who wouldn’t think of rain

When the cloud is heavy
Our story started that way

And almost ended like that

What else have i not done

Everything we needed was available
My memories trapped to yours

I know what you know

I feel what you feel
I search for your love only

I have learned to pray too

Who would think i would know how to

But i have
When we finally met

It was as though the heavy cloud has released its long awaited rain

And the river overflowef its banks

The love you showed was enough
My happiness is but from you

My heart beats only for you

I doubt if you know this o beautiful one
Each time i close my eyes

I see but only you

Whenever i don’t see you

Then am dead



Even though you have left me 

My heart is still stucked with you

With anger I deleted all your pictures

But all I see is your radiant face in every eye

I wanted to forget you but my heart wouldn’t listen

What have I not done to forget you?

I have even stopped watching the kind of movies you love

Even favourite music too

Yet my heart is still stucked with you
When I saw you first 

I gave you all of my heart

And when you left me 

You left with every bit of it

I tried moving on

But I couldn’t 

Who doesn’t know why?

Everyone knows 

Even animals too

They all knew my basket could hold no water

Because my heart is stucked with you
Now whether the heavens like it or not

Whether it’s fair or cruel 

I do not care as far as my heart is back to where it belong

Dreams are no more dreams to me any longer

Even to listen to music and watch movies

Because I see you in every eyes

My journey will know no destination 

Because my heart is stucked with you



It was on a Friday evening that everything changed for me. My dad had just returned from the mosque; that was when the alarm clock said eight, and as was his tradition he wouldn’t remove his long white jalabia before he shouted.
Why is the generator not started yet?
I knew within me he was going to complain about my not coming to the mosque that evening which would add up to the problem at hand. To cover up one of the problem I dressed in a long Jalabia and left the house through the back door. I had to pretend I also went to the Masjid.
I sluggishly walked towards the door and tapped on it as though the Chinese door was complaining of body pains.
Who is that?
It’s me, I said stammering
When the door was opened I walked in as though I was carrying the weight of Mount Everest on my legs.
Where you not the one talking in your room few minutes ago? Queried my mum
Oh no? I shouted inaudibly. Mum you have destroyed my plan. How is your headache, she added. By this I knew I had to face my dad’s interview soon. Am getting better I said looking away.
My Dad was sitting on the sofa pressing his tablet pc. It was obvious he was reading news or perhaps on Wikipedia because as far as I knew him he never liked social media. He looked up briefly and turned all of his attentions back to his tablet pc, but I could see the ire inside of him waiting to be released.
Good evening sir, I said as he pretended not to have heard at all. I turned and was about leaving the sitting room when he roared out.
Come back here, you are now taking decisions for me in this house right?
Not so sir, I said babbling
Then how, tell me am listening, he continued. Maybe he was right. Often when ever he was away the house does as I say not because they were afraid of me but because I was given that opportunity and it was getting out of hand since I was misusing the golden opportunity.
Am sorry sir, I said leaving again but this time he got provoked as he stood up almost immediately and gave me the dirtiest slap ever. I slumped and it was the last thing I remember immediately I woke up on the hospital bed the following morning.
I was an asthmatic patient couple with the fact that I was feverish that day that I sweat and felt dizzy after walking few steps even in the room.
Immediately I opened my eyes I saw my Dad sat almost in front of me staring straight into my weakened eyes and it was at this time clear he was very sorry. His eyes carry the colours of a virgin sunset and his facial look was that of a cow. As far as I knew him he would never say sorry even though he was.
How are you feeling now Prof? He said touching my neck maybe trying to feel my pulse. He was fond of calling me Prof right from when I was a kid. I don’t know why but I could tell from his character how my education and lifestyles seems to be more of importance to him compare to my three other siblings.
Am fine, I said even though I knew I wasn’t as he made his way out of the ward. Let me go and see the doctor, he said closing the door behind him.
Immediately he returned, he rigidly supported his back on the wall. He stared vacantly at the window that barely had better curtain and shook his head every seconds and his eyes clouded with tears which he couldn’t shed.
“I will be back,” he said again even though it was not up to two minute he had just returned. The tone rang hollow, his emotions encased in a vacuum. He spoke as if it were some well-rehearsed line he had already repeated a thousand times. The announcement, though cold, remained firm, and it indicated more than just a temporary absence. The finality of the statement slowly took substance, and it lingered in the cozy room.
The words fell upon my senses like a lead weight. I stared at him turning his back, impatiently waiting for further explanation; and I was offered nothing.
Your mum will be here soon, he said as he finally bangs the door behind him.
It was when my mum returned that I was told I needed a blood transfusion, which I was given some hours later. It was getting late and my dad was yet come to the clinic which was some miles away from home.
We waited patiently but he didn’t come but only made a call to my mum that he wouldn’t be able to come until the next morning. My three other siblings were in a boarding school which means he would be alone in the house.
Mum there is something wrong with dad, I said pathetically.
What do you mean?
The way he left this morning had something more to it than just “I will be back” that he said before leaving. I said throwing away my face.
You know your dad, he hardly show his emotions, she said feeling relieved.
It was the next morning. The day was getting closer to noon yet dad was yet to come to the clinic and by this time the panic was high as his number refused to go through. My mum became restless and she couldn’t sit nor stand. Maybe it was because of my statement the previous day.
Hours later, the doctor walked into my ward and his face had stories to tell.
Hajia please come, he said as both leave the ward in slow motion motive. I waited for my mum but she was yet to return. I lethargically came down from the bed and made my way out the ward. In the reception I met one of neighbors and two of my family members sobbing and crying oceans out of their eyes.
What is happening? I asked as none of them answered.
You are not yet strong, the doctor advised as he led me back into my ward.
Towards evening I was discharged and met my house like a stadium. Everyone nodded their head like matured agama lizards.
Somebody help me, somebody please! Can anybody hear me? My mum sorrowful screams pierced through the neighborhood in a heightened tone. Her neck was revealing all the veins that lie therein as she cries the sorrow out of her heart. She shook her head vigorously and stamped her feet heavily on the harden earth yet it wasn’t enough. She rolled herself to the ground as she cried uncontrollably; she was absolutely inconsolable. Her cries of anguish echoed and wildly permeated through neighboring homes and within minutes more people hooted in. the entire compound was crowded with streams of sympathizers. Oh! Dad is dead? It can’t be, I cried
No! It can’t be. He is the most religious in this neighborhood; he can’t kill himself. He knows vividly how punishable it is for one to commit suicide. One of the mosque congregations lectured.
I sluggishly walked into his bedroom where his lifeless body lay in the bed. I was kaput and I bent to touch his feet as his bed was covered with his own pool of blood and the next thing I heard was “Prof, wake up its time for prayer”.
Subhanallah! I shouted. I am dreaming! It was a dream! But how can dream be this long and so true? Thank God I said with tears dripping down my eyes. Even though I couldn’t tell anyone the dream no doubt changed me for better.



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