Now, as women, let’s ask ourselves these questions? What exactly do we want in life? What is our end goal? How will we be remembered? I know some women who are cool with being stay at home mums, I know some who want to work, but ensure that their jobs has minimal effect in coming between them and their families, and I know some career driven women who just don’t care about anything, but their jobs, the name and power they would accomplish at the end. I won’t be insensitive to the whole idea of women trying to live their lives as they want and pursuing their own goals. It is a very commendable move, but at the end of the day you should ensure that you are not wondering why you failed at the most important aspect of life, raising individuals and building a man’s empire and expanding your kingdom.
Were we created to compete with them? Of course not! We were created to perfect their lives, to serve as the lace to their brick, to lessen their burden, to clean up after them, this may sound too much but sister, you were created sophisticatedly for that. Tender on the outside and strong on the inside. I cannot help but shake my head when I hear women lament and make absurd wishes of how they would have loved to be created as men, when asked why? The reply would either be that, men only go out to get money, do not cook and do not experience labor pains, period or cramps, and can have as many partners as they want – concubines and side chicks .
You have failed to realize that they do have their own setbacks and pains, each gender was created with the ability to bear the pains we encounter separately in our daily lives.
Greed and society might have made the whole marriage thing become a union where only the man provides financially and morally in a relationship and where the woman worships him and acts dumb. Respect is essential, but definitely not worship. There cannot be two gods, worship is for the Almighty alone, but our husbands deserve immense respect, for they live solely for it, they have been created to thrive through the feeling of being responsible for a woman who looks up to them. It is quite unfortunate that a lot of them do not meet up to expectations or at least try to be a man, but if you find one that tries, honey, treat him good!
You were not created to just sit and watch him work; it is so awful that some men and women accrue to the idea that a woman should stay put and just feed, and breed. I know a lot of people will want to mention the women of the good old days, but mind you these women were not at all lazy, they participated in farming activities, pottery, weaving, hair-making, dress-making, flour processing and a lot of duties, yet they were still part of their homes and the lifestyle of their children was very known to them. They didn’t just sit and stare, and even the stay at home mothers then were not idle either, they supported too. Ask me how, taking care of kids and making meals is a lot of work, but today you find a lot of stay at home mums employing maids and nannies to help them ‘minimize stress’ Yes, I buy the whole idea of living like a queen without stress, nobody wants to be a maid in their own home, but it is your home. Be a part of it!
WHAT IS OUR MISSION?
Our mission apart from being mothers, varies. To our children, we are super heroes, capable of anything. When viewed from a child’s perspective his or her mother is this completely amazing person who can do anything, she is his teacher, first role model, decision maker, interpreter, counsel and miracle worker. Unfortunately because of the tussle today and misconceptions attached to building careers and handling a family by women, most children lose out on these special qualities.
To our spouses, we are the managers of their homes and whenever anything goes wrong, unfortunately, a man without a strong sense of judgement usually blames the woman. We are assistants of their mothers, we may never fill in these women’s shoes completely but at least we represent, we are that wholeness that fills the void in their hearts. You can actually visualize the swelling of a man’s chest when he’s asked about “madam”, or praised for how good madam is looking, When the kids call him daddy or when his wife sweetly expresses her need for him and his importance in her life, even when it is sometimes just a bluff and not actually true.
We are their friends, who of course they never listen to, but run towards for help when all hell has let loose or when they are stuck at crossroads, for the sake of humanity we need to be ourselves and serve our feminine purpose for the betterment of the world.
Growing up as a female, school, marriage, motherhood and business, are all a bit of a struggle and a carousel of various kinds of inferiority complex, self-doubt, depression and the fear of failure. Majority of women who have gone down that road can testify, about how hard it was for them, from their teenage years to womanhood, some nearly broke down, some even did, relationships strained, behaviors changed too, but those who were strong enough fought hard and wise.
As a female born in this generation, schooling and making career choices is almost inevitable.
Today, a lot of women indulge in businesses, and have time consuming jobs but of course it is a must do, because of the rapid increase in the cost of living today all over the world and the new found trait of the modern women that consists of ‘wanting to have her own money which of course is not a bad idea. To live a lavish lifestyle and buying whatever one wishes is not a criminal offence, but having to work all day in order to make ends meet is also a part of making the dream come true.
Meanwhile, there’s a whole margin to be drawn between the sourcing for income of your own as a woman, seeking to further education and building a family, which of course falls on both the man and the woman.
I sat in front of my desk whispering to myself, I need to get my life together, I need to get my life together! I have always stopped to think every moment of my life about the many things I would need to acquire, how many goals I would achieve and most importantly, if I would even live long to bear kids, until I paused to think, why not live the moment, be happy and develop myself instead. I am a pretty sensitive woman and I know I am not alone in this dilemma. A lot of us out there are, maybe some just hide theirs under a cloak of defiance and a pretend ability of not being aware of every situation around them. I am not a relationship expert and I have no basic marriage experience, but from what I have seen, heard and observed, I want to share a little gist with you all.
Who is a female? A lot of people may have different assertions to this word, some sensible, some justifiable, some poor and lacking and some just in between. We ourselves, most of the time do not even know what or who we are, because of influence from factors like society, family, peers, psychology and trends.
Apart from the total comprehension of a female being a being crafted biologically to birth, and care, there are other hidden qualities that we may have buried under the rubbles of self- doubt, gluttony, weakness, and selfishness. As creatures of vanity, we need frequent polishing and adornments to keep up and stay lit. Even though the world today has made an attempt to squish that gentility and calm from women, we still hope to bring it back someday, a little bit not too late though.
Today women work like their fathers, bear burdens like their fathers, shoulder responsibilities too heavy and carry about their feminine flaws too, all of these beneath the fear that they may not ever be able to catch up with their male counterparts. The other side of this is that, apart from tackling responsibilities like our fathers, we now behave like men too, putting our egos first, forgetting that we were not built to be like them. I know a man out there who will murmur, ‘who sent them anyway?’ but let us forget about this man.
Man was created all flawed, and drunk with desire to rule over generations. From the creation stories we heard, man was created first and his longing for a partner and companionship pushed forth the creation of the female. Us!
But who exactly is a female, she is the emblem of strength, the element that complements the male, his kryptonite, the one with many emotions and heaps of mood swings with the super woman ability to control them and also blessed with the gift, to give a man that uplift that makes him feel like a king, from making him feel like her hero, to fueling his ego to keeping him upright, to listening to him lecture her about issues that she’s already knowledgeable about, that’s her duty and she functions excellently when treated with respect afterwards because after all a king does respect his subjects, looks out for them and does not exploit their loyalty as many men do today.
Just as lightening is so fast and heart thrusting, the moment and how destiny turn tables on them that particular day was also fast. It was like a dream to him as he sat in the middle of the sitting room weeping like a punctured tank rushing out. Four family members came inside and lifted the lifeless body of Uncle Dowd for burial. Many thought came and flogged him deep down into his brain and he felt like erasing the memory away and wished it was just a dream.
The memory of his dad, uncle Dowd torments him. It was like bush fire blazing through the forest, flogged by the harmattan. The voice of his dad early in the morning calling out to him to get ready for the Morning Prayer played an endless loop. Those smiles whenever he returns from school in the evening replayed too. As he turned sideways, he noticed the Panasonic radio switched off and more tears gushes out of his eyes. He cherished the radio just as he cherished his dad. Uncle Dowd and his radio were friends, as he never ate without it.
He remembered the dead look he always wears each time he prayed the five mandatory prayer when the time had passed. Thinking about all the little and big things about his dad ate him dry.
Beside uncle Dowd’s favourite sofa, his wife sat restless on the tiled floor. In her eyes were tears she could never shed. If she sits, she stood abruptly and when helped to stand, she sits. The pain and sorrow she was trying to endure was much and enough to get her crazy. Her hair scattered, her eyes bulging like that of a toad and tears drew the map of many nations yet undiscovered on her cheeks.
Bello you will die, you will die before your children grow up. You will go blind even if you have a long life. Unless there is no God, unless I didn’t gave birth to my five children and married the Dowd before you became governor. You starved us and still killed my husband, my only hope for survival because he stood against you! You will die a miserable death.
Some women tried to calm her down. But she was already out control. Her pain and sorrow was such that has no cure. How am I going to take care of five children, young children without a father, without salary for the past 20 months? All this and the death alone were killing her too. She wished she never gave birth to them after all. She also wished they all died at a time, all seven of them. In that case no one would be left to suffer afterward. No! She roared, maybe afraid of her own thoughts as well. No they will replace their father; they will repay Bello and his officials.
Muhammad sat where he was, sobbing like a vulture beaten by a heavy rain. His was not how and who killed his father, but why it has to be at that crucial time in his life. He was still in senior secondary one and the eldest among five. The task and responsibility ahead alone was a mountain he must learn how to climb, when he could barely walk properly.
I was the first to notice junior was stealing in the house. That day while i was doing his laundry because he was too young to do it himself i noticed something in his pocket. Confused and bewildered i became after seeing the huge amount of money he was in possession of. Junior, I called and he rushed out towards where i was helping him with his laundry as though he were being pursued. At the sight of the money in my hand he already knew why he was called. ‘brother mummy gave it to me’ he said afraid of his own words. I became short of words for a while. You mean mummy gave you this before traveling? A ten year old boy with five hundred naira note? Who knows if it was more than that, i sigh. Even though i didn’t believe him i didn’t tell anyone because dad could be volatile with anger. All i did was to warn him not to touch any money hence forth. That was how the case died until a week later when mum returned from their bank’s AGM at lagos. Mum was a banker and all efforts to make her quit her job by dad became fruitless. Dad hates the fact that she had no time for her house, her home, children and better put her family. It was a hot afternoon that saturday that everything unveiled itself. Mum didn’t not go to her so called saturday office that weekend and she was counting the money the meeting she usually attends entrusted to her. Out of suprise she shouted my name and i rushed into her room in response. Mum what is wrong? And the next thing was a terrible slap on my back. Where is the remaining one thousand five hundred naira? Where is it? Confused and fumbled at my own self because of the false accusation i smiled. Junior come in here i said as he stood by the door staring directly into my eyes. All effort to make him confess failed and mum didn’t believe me either. As days continue turning to months and months into years, junior’s stealing granted to next level. Yet i was the one to be blame for all of it. Years later i sat under the tree and saw junior coming back from school i knew something bad had occured. He was expelled from school after being caught severally stealing his mates items. And all i said to mum was i was still the one stealing those things he is sent off because of. Parent don’t groom another junior for us, for junior is now a local government chairman and the state money is not safe with him. Happy independence day Nigeria.