MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

Author Archives: tofaashir


I was the first to notice junior was stealing in the house. That day while i was doing his laundry because he was too young to do it himself i noticed something in his pocket. Confused and bewildered i became after seeing the huge amount of money he was in possession of. Junior, I called and he rushed out towards where i was helping him with his laundry as though he were being pursued. At the sight of the money in my hand he already knew why he was called. ‘brother mummy gave it to me’ he said afraid of his own words. I became short of words for a while. You mean mummy gave you this before traveling? A ten year old boy with five hundred naira note? Who knows if it was more than that, i sigh. Even though i didn’t believe him i didn’t tell anyone because dad could be volatile with anger. All i did was to warn him not to touch any money hence forth. That was how the case died until a week later when mum returned from their bank’s AGM at lagos. Mum was a banker and all efforts to make her quit her job by dad became fruitless. Dad hates the fact that she had no time for her house, her home, children and better put her family. It was a hot afternoon that saturday that everything unveiled itself. Mum didn’t not go to her so called saturday office that weekend and she was counting the money the meeting she usually attends entrusted to her. Out of suprise she shouted my name and i rushed into her room in response. Mum what is wrong? And the next thing was a terrible slap on my back. Where is the remaining one thousand five hundred naira? Where is it? Confused and fumbled at my own self because of the false accusation i smiled. Junior come in here i said as he stood by the door staring directly into my eyes. All effort to make him confess failed and mum didn’t believe me either. As days continue turning to months and months into years, junior’s stealing granted to next level. Yet i was the one to be blame for all of it. Years later i sat under the tree and saw junior coming back from school i knew something bad had occured. He was expelled from school after being caught severally stealing his mates items. And all i said to mum was i was still the one stealing those things he is sent off because of. Parent don’t groom another junior for us, for junior is now a local government chairman and the state money is not safe with him. Happy independence day Nigeria.

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I only become myself when ever i see you

in my heart

you have taken over me

in such a way there is no space for dreams

and for other desires

this feelings in the heart

this heart full of love

this love of mine

desire you alone

this desire to meet with you

can only make my life livable

if i get to create myself

I’d created myself as tears

trapped in your eyes

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photo credit: youtube.com

each time i see those eyes

i see my paradise

and my heart will be at peace

i am nothing except when i have you

with you i become meaningful

i have just one request

allow me grace the pleasure

a moment to gaze

into your paradise just once

to know what this lonely heart feels

i am without a shelter

i have a refuge only but in you

why is there so much distance

we kept escaping each other’s sight

i asked the moon for your blissful gaze

now come into my life

this heart is like a planted crop

make it sprout….



BY MICHEAL ACHILE UMAMEH
Rodents of Westeros invade
Aso rock presidential villa, Abuja.
A song of Lice and Lies
King Buhari of the House Stark took refuge
in Winterfell, central London infirmary
recovering from the poison of unnamed ghost.
Suddenly the
The wild child of the rainforest
And
The wildlings of the Harmattan
are barking expulsion across the Niger
From the cursed parchments.
The October vexations still labours.
Then Femi Adesina, the hand of the king,
Arose with the voice of seven thunders
To announce the arrival of Buhari Stark.
10,000 Maniacs of the seven kingdoms
flooded the street with songs and thongs
Oyoyo, oyoyo, oyoyo, they ululate.
Tired and tested from the holy pandemonium
Gov. Yahaya Bello of Riverrun
Ordained a feast of idleness.
While the wives of women
And the husbands of men
Where at war with shadows.
The rodents of Westeros
Invaded Aso Rock Presidential Villa.
Now Jon Snow of Julius Berger
Knows, winter is coming
And the Night’s Watch waits
Will Buhari Stark, take the iron throne?
Hear the song of Ice and fire
Sing a song of mice and rats.
As the rodents take the iron throne.

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You must have heard a lot of things concerning angels. As a child growing up was another story when it comes to issues concerning angels. I or we were made to believe that angels are hidden from one’s naked eyes and that, angels were special bodyguards sent by God to protect us.
As children it made life easier and less hectic, most especially when everything seems not to be moving anymore. That preaching and story became our weapon and strength against fear and sadness. But one thing I can tell you is that I have seen one before. Surprise!
I have seen him in physique. He appeared Warm and hesitant in every good things both little and big. He was some feet tall and some inches. He was neither fat nor was he slim but of average. In his eyes and smiles was my happiness. He was none else other than my father.
I always have this dream of being like my father. A dream that was so complicated. The way he walks, talks, sits, eats and in shorts everything like he does. I have even started posing like him in photo. I wish I could be successful and God-fearing like him, but at the long end, I found out I could never be like him. It was just clear why. There was no one in this universe like my father. Father was the best among the best. If not for God, I would have worshipped him, wear clothes with his photo printed all over, hang his photo all over the walls of my home, and put his photo before my bed so it will be last thing I see before sleeping and the first after waking up. To me the world was not enough for a substitute for my father. I could sacrifice it for my angelic papa.



Today I want to die. I mean I want to put a full stop to my miserable life, a life that treated me in a way lesser than an animal. Am tired of it all. Luck or no luck everyone wishes me good luck.
My friends don’t miss me and no one ever remembers to call me even if it were just a flash. My families too don’t even remember I was in this life, only when they needed my help. I just have to die. I have to leave the world so I won’t be burden on any one when I get older.
My co-workers complain am the coldest person on earth. That I neither smile nor laugh but always wearing a cow face. What exactly have done wrong? I didn’t create myself! They said God decide our life before we were born but why do people keep blaming me for what is not my fault? 
My children see me as the worst father.  They don’t even stay beside me nor respect my words for a second. Same way my wife sees me. She complained am not romantic, and cheerful. That I’m too cold for a hubby. I have ask her to tell me exactly what to do to make me warm since I were a cold animal to them, but no one not even her helped me out.
When I was a kid my dad would always call me a loser, that he doubt he were my father. That same statement led to the argument that killed the only person that believed in me, my melancholic mother. She would cry so I could laugh, she would do all she could so I could be like every other children.
She was the first person to discover I was an autist. No one really understood I was suffering from autism until I was almost ten years of age. That was when I met my fairy god-mother, Auntie Mariam. She shaped me to a better me which to the world is still lesser than an animal. 
She too died few years before I could finish my secondary education. To most people, the only good thing about me was my brain and my looks. I was both handsome and intelligent but none of it matters when it comes to people understanding my predicaments.
I love my wife very much and my children too but I can’t express it. No! They don’t understand how I am expressing it and that alone is killing me every seconds. Even though I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want to be alive as well. I just have to end everything and maybe we may meet to part no more. I guess by then I will be like everyone else.



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