Today as i have decided to write the ink out of my pen, my hands began to shake and my heart became restless. I have tried to hide behind this version of me for a very long time now but I couldn’t. This piece might sound stupid to some and to some it will be like someone out there is feeling exactly the way they feel too, but to me it is a little way of relieving the heaviness in my innocent heart. It is perhaps the best way of releasing the long trapped tears in my eyes or a way of relieving myself of the dumbness which i have caused myself for a very long time now.
life to some could be shade and to some it could be an open field of fire. Such fire that burns but only slowly and silently. My life has been hell for long. I have spent my whole life time looking for what hapiness was and how one could attain it.
All my life, i have wished and dreamt of so many beautiful things in life but none seems to be beautiful anymore. I have become so lonely that all i love is but myself. Why i have become this way and what made me this way i could not fathom either.
Whenever I was in public I was always alone and was always the different one. Television also had become my nightmares, Everything i watched relates to all the things i have missed and lost.
The family drama and the love movies where like folktales that were never real to me. For how long would I continue to be this way? how long can i continue with this feeling and loneliness. for how long must I wait for happiness to come, to come and change me for better? I dont know and no one knows either.
Walking along the street, my legs like an egg that would break if pinched too hard. Each and every step i took was like a heavy rock on my chest.
In my lonely room which is always in its coziness, I talked to myself and the music became my only companion. Phone was no doubt my only truest friend. This happiness i dont seems to know the path leading to it but i know sooner or later i will find it.
This is my life. i just want everyone to know am happy and very sad at same time but am still trying to find out how that could be, for happiness and sadness to be in one house at a time.